What most people call falling in love is usually an enduring case of infatuation. People like to feel infatuated. It feels good, but it always runs its course within a few months up to a year or so. If a relationship is based on this alone, it will falter. Unfortunately, it can last long enough to evolve into a marriage. The marriage can extend the good feelings as the couple starts playing house for as much as an extra year. After that, people frequently say that they have fallen out of love with their partner. The problem is that actual true love probably never developed.
Love is more of a choice than an emotion.
The good feelings of the early excitement of new romance can be cultivated into true love if both partners can control their emotions. It is great to let the infatuation get your heart pounding and your body tingling. However, if you do not at some point begin to move from this level to one that employs a little more rational thought, love will not develop in the relationship.
Advance the process of falling in love by beginning to build a common history.
The first step of love is to find things that you can do together and enjoy that does not involve the physical side of the relationship. People rarely build a long-lasting relationship on sex. After marriage and sometimes before, this part of the relationship can happen enough that specific encounters are memorable compared to the others. It is important that memories that will last are created early in the bonding process.
Get to know the likes and dislikes of the other person as well as you know your own.
Spend time uncovering the person that lies behind the curtain. Dating is a time of false impressions. Both parties are trying to paint themselves to be as perfect as possible. For love to develop correctly, you have to learn what the person is like in a normal setting. Sometimes after the wedding, unexpected and unpleasant things can become shockers if they are not discovered before the marriage begins. You do not want to invest your love in someone that you do not want to be with.
Look for the character traits that you want in a mate.
If these are not present, move on. If you find many of the traits that you find desirable, take time to think about making the commitment to another person that love requires. Find out if your partner is willing to do the same. Remember the traditional wedding vows say, “for better or for worse.” You want to make sure there is enough better to offset the possibility of worse. If a person has enough of what you are looking to find, allow your feelings to begin to grow.
Falling in love means that you want to spend large amounts of time with this person.
In order to spend the amount of time with your love interest that you desire, you must trust them enough to invest the emotion that love needs to endure. It is said that you give them your heart. However, you have to give far more of yourself than that. Love draws you into a bond that may at times be based on previous commitment and not the current state of the relationship.
A measure of pain is often part of being in love.
You will at times experience pain, but if it is true love, it will endure and grow even in tough situations. If your partner is not willing to meet you on these same terms, cut your losses before the permanent commitment is finalized at an altar. It is always cheaper and easier to stop before the “I do” is said than to face a divorce.
Love always matures and grows with the passing of time.
If your emotional bonding becomes broader and deeper, love is developing. You will begin to love certain qualities and abilities about your mate that extend beyond and eventually in place of the physical characteristics. Appearances will change with time. Personalities mature and become bigger versions of themselves. If you have learned to love the person instead of the look, the love will have a greater chance of passing the test of time.