A movie-trailer spoof opens the show, during which various Idolettes assure us, or maybe just themselves, that “anyone could go home”. Yeah, you keep thinking that kids. I doubt Adam and Danny are having any trouble sleeping.
Neil Sedaka’s in the audience, looking all chubby and jolly and rockin’ a mustache. Randy’s wearing a periwinkle sweater over the obligatory white tee, Kara’s got on a gorgeous plum satin blouse, and Paula is working a boobalicious black cocktail sheath that is thankfully unburdened by chunky accessories. She could totally go to the Oscars in that!
We get to the Ford video with a quickness. The theme is magazine covers, on which the Idolettes magically sing and dance around, much to the entertainment of newsstand patron Matt Giraud, who buys the cute magazines to take home so that they can entertain him at length. Who wouldn’t want dancing magazine covers? That’s not creepy, not creepy at all. Along the photography lines, the video’s song is the J. Geils Band classic “Freeze Frame”, which they sing rather badly, but not nearly as badly as their live performance of “Maniac”, the Michael Sembello song from the movie Flashdance, a film that was quite important to my formative years. I had the 45 of “Maniac”, actually (ask your parents what 45s are, kids).
Moving along to the eliminations: Allison Iraheta is called first, and I was wrong that her performance was bad enough to buy her at least a temporary spot in the bottom three. She is safe. As is Adam Lambert, with whom we revisit the awesomeness of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Ah, but Anoop, Anoop, Anoop is on Fire is not on fire, unless it be the burning humiliation of the DoomStools, where he is sent for yet another week. As we go to the commercial break, there is another Dramatic-Chipmunk-style shot of the remaining two stools, just waiting to be filled, huh-huh, huh-huh.
Next up, a tribute video to Jennifer Hudson’s rise from American Idol reject to Oscar-and Grammy-winner leads in to her live performance of “If This Isn’t Love”, the new single from her debut album. She has lost weight and, with her straightened hair, looks just generally sleek. She seems to have a problem with the ear monitor at one point, or maybe she is just ditching it, like Katherine McPhee did that once. Oh, did anybody catch Kat McPhee as a guest star on last week’s CSI:NY? She played a singer, if you can imagine, but she did okay in the acting department, and of course she ain’t hard on the eyes.
Oh, yeah, the song. It’s okay. Jennifer reminds us that she won a Grammy, even though it’s been mentioned a few times. Modest as ever, I see!
Anoop Desai gets a Stool Chat (ew!) with Ryan, in which he basically just feels sorry for himself, which really should endear him even more to the voting public. Face it, kid. You might have to go back for your doctorate. I’m sure there’s some kind of Southern delicacy you’ve yet to exploit. Pickled pig’s feet, maybe?
Back at the Couch o’ Safety, temporarily acting as the Couch o’ Trepidation, Kris Allen and Lil Rounds are called together, and statistically speaking, we know one of them has to be in the bottom three before Ryan tells us. Well, it can’t be Kris, so I guess Lil is in the spot I’d saved for Allison, and it is so. To her credit, I totally loved the “yeah, right” look on Lil’s face when Ryan tried to fake Kris into thinking it was he. I also loved how she very accurately explained what dicks the judges are. She’s not the greatest singer, but she seems like a pretty cool person. Off you go to the DoomStools, cool person!
Last up are Matt Giraud and Danny Gokey, and duh. Ryan tries to stir up some angst in Danny, but all the kids are hip to that skip, and Matt gets the perp walk, where he assembles center stage with Lil and Anoop for the Cellar Dweller Display. Ryan announces that he will send one contestant back to safety, and the audience starts yelling names. It is very hard to discern any particular name, so I guess either there is no clear favorite, or I’m getting that deafness where you can still hear, but you can’t filter out stuff from the background noise. Anoop is returned to the Couch o’ Safety.
Lil and Matt are left to marinate while we are subjected to Miley Cyrus singing (I guess) and torturing her hairdo into a very unattractive state (Jeez, can’t take her anywhere!). ‘Nuff said about that-let’s wrap things up! Simon is asked if he would consider saving either of the contestants, and he says he would save “one” that might be surprised at being saved, which makes me figure “Lil”, because after he pooped on her yesterday, that would be a surprise, whereas Matt would just take it for granted.
Well, I hope that brings him some piece of mind, because Lil Rounds is safe this week, and Matt is going to have to sing. He does and sounds absolutely horrible, but Kara and Paula are full of love for the Matt and it is apparently affecting their hearing. Will the judges’ save be used? There is some hemming and hawing, and I figure its girls against guys again, but then it becomes clear that Randy is on Matt’s side as well, and although I don’t think Simon really embraced the decision, he gives in because they pretty much have to use the save since it’s been invented and all, so Matt gets to stay! Simon attempts to temper the lovefest at center stage by reminding the celebrants that two of them are going home next week, and the other bad news is that it’s DISCO WEEK!!! Yeah!!!! I know I’m a little premature in guessing before anyone has actually sung, but I’m going to say Anoop for sure, and probably Matt or maybe somebody shocking, like Kris. Can’t wait!
Bat Rankings (chances of winning)
1. Adam Lambert
2. Danny Gokey
3. Kris Allen
4. Allison Iraheta
5. Lil Rounds
6. Matt Giraud
7. Anoop Desai