Emotional abuse takes many forms, and words used in emotional abuse can hurt as much or more than pain caused by physical abuse. I recently wrote an article on a family that was almost torn apart by the emotional abuse caused by a friend’s husband, and although he promised he would no longer raise his voice and stop ignoring his wife when he did not like the way she chose to raise her kids, he is once again inflicting emotional abuse in another way. He has decided to judge his stepson’s friends by the way they look, even though he does not know the kids and will not give them a chance. By his choice he barely even knows his stepson, and now he is attempting to drive away one particular friend he has judged, solely based on the way he looks.
Are you the victim of emotional abuse caused by a husband, wife, child, parent, or a significant other? Consider the following information on a particular situation involving kids judged solely by the way they look, and decide for yourself if the family of the perpetrator are once again victims of emotional abuse. I do not believe that anyone should be judged by the way they look, and this is just another method to inflict emotional abuse on innocent friends and family members.
Judged by Looks
My friend Lisa has a fourteen year old son I will once again call Josh to protect their privacy. Josh has a friend I will call Steve. Josh’s friend Steve has a pierced lip and eyebrow, and his hairstyle is not typical of the average person on the streets of a small country town. Steve’s hair is shaved close along the bottom portion, and his hair is longer on top. It is a unique style, but it really is not shocking.
Steve is a very nice kid that always has a smile on his face. He always speaks to my friend Lisa, and he is very polite and pleasant to talk to. Josh and Steve enjoy skateboarding and practicing the new tricks they learn, and they really have their own style. My friend and I both believe in allowing our kids to express themselves through individuality rather than by following the crowd, and she has always taught her kids that people should not be judged by the way they look.
The Source of Emotional Abuse
For those that did not read the previous article on the problems endured by this family, my friend’s husband never liked her son Josh. Read, How to Find Out Why Someone is Really Angry, to find out more about the situation. From day one he judged the child in every way imaginable. He was irritated by even the most minor things the child did, from softly strumming his guitar to the way he styled his hair. This did not surprise my friend since she knows that stepchildren are sometimes not fully accepted by stepparents. It felt like emotional abuse, and for my friend and her son, the emotional abuse hurts worse than being slapped in the face.
Josh’s friend Steve recently visited their new home, and this visit caused a huge uproar and created further emotional abuse – not because of bad behavior, at least not on the part of the teens. My friend’s son Josh had planned to mow the lawn, and her husband did not like friends hanging around while my friend’s son did his chores. He told Josh that next time he had to mow the lawn to tell his felon friend Steve to stay home. My friend Lisa overheard this rude comment and had him repeat it since she could not believe what she thought she heard the first time. Sure enough, he used the word felon when describing Josh’s friend, and Lisa was shocked and infuriated.
This comment that was completely uncalled for was very insulting to Josh. His friend was outside and presumably did not hear the conversation, but it hurt Josh’s feelings terribly since Steve was one of his best friends. My friend Lisa was also quite offended by the comment. Lisa is a loving and accepting person, and she does not believe a person should ever be judged by their appearance. She has always said that a clean cut person could be more of a threat than someone that looks rough or even scary at first glance.
My friend asked her husband why he would say such a thing about Josh’s friend Steve, and his reply was, “Because he looks like a felon”. He also said the kid’s parents are to blame for letting their son have that hair style and a pierced lip and eyebrow. He also exclaimed that he did not want the kid coming back to their house. This was clearly another way to inflict emotional abuse on Josh, Lisa, and the rest of her family.
This was very unfair. Josh’s friend was judged by the way he looks, and my friend’s husband will never give him a chance. I believe this is just another form of the emotional abuse he is once again inflicting on his family. Last week he was ignoring Lisa and treating her like someone not worthy of speaking to, and this week he is belittling her son’s friend because of the way he looks.
Is Being Unfairly Labeled and Judged Emotional Abuse?
I do not believe that people should be judged and shunned because of the way they chose to look, and I believe my friend’s husband is inflicting another form of emotional abuse on them. Words and actions are an indication of character, and how we choose to look is a form of self-expression. We do not have to fit the mold society has created to be good and acceptable citizens, and how we choose to look should not result in being labeled as felons or any other unkind characterizations.
Do you think my friend’s husband had a right to call her son’s friend a felon based solely on the way he looks? He judged my friend’s son and hurt his wife and stepson’s feelings with this latest tirade. Is this another form of emotional abuse? If this is not emotional abuse, it still caused a great deal of pain for Lisa and Josh. Lisa was hurt deeply because she knew her son was once again emotionally battered by her husband’s words. Steve is a good kid, but he was judged by someone that feels superior and thinks he has a right to pass judgment on others. Surprisingly her husband is covered in tattoos – one of a half naked woman, and four skulls and a dagger. I wonder how he would feel if he were judged solely by the way he looks? Ironically, he might fare better than if he were judged on personality.