People are sometimes hard to figure out. They can take a joke one day, and the next day they take someone’s head off for joking as they have for years. This recently happened to a friend of mine. She cracked a joke during a conversation between her husband and sister, and her husband has been angry for one week and counting. She asked for my advice on how to figure out why someone is really angry, and I did my best to help figure out why her husband is being cold and distant. If you are going through a similar problem this information could help you figure why someone is really angry when you did not really do anything wrong. The answer to why someone is really angry is not always what it seems.
The Enemy’s Child
It did not make sense that my friend’s husband, who liked to joke around, would become angry because of her attempt at cracking a joke. After all, he has cracked the same types of jokes, and quite often when she was trying to carry on a serious conversation. Neither became angry. What made this incident different from any other occasion? This took a little thought, but when considering all of the facts, it was not difficult to figure out why he was angry and why he lashed out at her.
My friend’s son and her husband have never really got along. Her son is a typical fourteen year old kid. His choice of clothing and accessories are not what his parents would chose, but he really is not doing anything wrong other than trying to be an independent person that can make his own choices. He sometimes wears his jeans lower than his step dad would like, and he is continuously told to pull up his pants. This is where the story begins and where my friend could not figure out what really happened when her husband became angry.
The Dreadful Joke
As my friend, her sister, and her husband sat in a restaurant discussing everything from work to kids, my friend’s husband began talking about my friend’s son. I will call her son Josh to protect their privacy. My friend’s husband, who I will call Jeff, began telling her sister Marcia about my friend Lisa’s son, the fourteen year old with the droopy jeans.
He told her about the fourteen year old kid’s pants inching their way down to expose his boxer shorts, and he said he was going to tell her son how that style originated. He said this is how prisoners wear their pants when they are advertising for sex, and at this point his wife tried to be funny. She was not as concerned with her son’s pants since this is a common style, like it or not, with other kids of her son’s age.
Lisa said it was a good thing that Jeff did not wear his pants that way. He wears tightie whities and stripes would end up showing. Her husband was not only angry, he immediately became furious. He stood up as they proceeded to leave the restaurant, and he told her in a hateful tone that sounded like more a scream that he fought to contain, “I was trying to be serious”! He looked like a gorilla ready to attack, and if looks could have killed, she would have been dead on the spot. She knew what he would do next. From the look on his face and past experience, she could tell he would be angry with her for the next few days, but a few days have turned into several, and Lisa could not figure out why her husband would become that angry over a joke.
Lisa’s husband Jeff has often joked with her in the same manner. When trying to have a serious conversation he has interjected with a joke, but she never become angry. She simply told him she was trying to have a serious conversation and continued to speak. What was different this time? She was never the one to become angry first. He was the one that would get mad at her and start the game of ignoring the other.
Lisa’s husband Jeff left for work early that day. He drives a semi and would be gone for at least the next few days. He did not call her that evening as usual, and the next day he called to ask a quick question, but he has avoided talking to her ever since. It was clear that he was still angry since he always sounded cold and business-like after she told that dreaded joke.
This made Lisa angry. After all, what had she really done to deserve this type of treatment? She could not figure out why she was being treated like trash that he could so easily cast aside. All she did was crack a joke during a conversation. The answer was not hard to figure out once I had all of the information.
This conversation that was interrupted with a joke was different than other conversations that my friend had with her husband. First of all, someone else was involved (Lisa’s sister), and secondly, the subject of the conversation was her son Josh. Lisa knew that Jeff really never liked her son, and anything the kid did rubbed him the wrong way. This was the key that would help us figure out why Jeff was still being cold and hateful toward Lisa after seven days of being gone.
I concluded that Jeff was angry because he was talking about Lisa’s son when he was interrupted – the kid he really never liked. When Lisa interrupted his serious conversation about her son, he became angry at her because of the feelings, or lack thereof, that he has toward her son. He treated his wife as if she were her son, and he took out all of his pent-up anger on Lisa. We were finally able to figure out why he was angry without an explanation from her husband, the punisher.
How to Figure Out Why
If someone seems to be angry with you, and you cannot figure out what you did to deserve the treatment at hand, think back to the circumstances surrounding the situation. When someone is angry for something that would seem trivial to anyone else, more often than not the source of the anger lies in a different direction. Who or what was the subject at hand when this person became angry for something that seemed trivial? This might help you figure out why.
Lisa is fed up with the behavior of her husband Jeff. His angry outbursts have become more frequent, and each time he blows up and does not talk to her for days, she has less love and respect for the man. He plays these games often and tries to punish her with emotional abuse. What he does not realize is that he is driving a permanent wedge between them. Eventually Lisa will not put up with it any longer, and any feelings she had will be gone. Lisa does not know where the answer lies, but she is convinced that her husband became angry with her because of his deep-seeded hatred for her son.
What do you think? Was Lisa’s joke really worthy of the treatment she is experiencing? Leave a brief comment on why you think her husband is really angry. Put yourself in this woman’s shoes. Would you stay with a man like this? I know I would not.
Source: Personal Experience