Now, before I start getting hate mail from feminists let me clarify a bit here. I am in no way claiming that one gender is in any way superior or inferior to the other. I am simply saying that we need to relearn gender roles and their associations if we want to have better relationships. This can be done by using common sense and following these simple steps.
In a nutshell, when in doubt, look to our ancestors and forefathers to retrain your brain regarding the ideal gender associations for relationships. We have been brainwashed to believe that men and women are equals in both professional and personal settings. Men and women are in fact very different and view the world differently. It is impossible for them to be equals when their viewpoints are so drastically different. They might be equally as successful in the business world – but this is due to two reasons – either women change their personalities to incorporate more male characteristics, or the business nature is such that it benefits from female dominate traits. In the world of relationships, couples who follow traditional roles are generally happier and long lasting. This is the reason why relationships lasted “forever” in previous generations, but are barely making it today. Now, you might be thinking that this was due to the fact that women did not have many rights and were not capable of physically and financially leaving their spouses. This is a huge misconception, people didn’t end their relationships due to financial reasons, but because traditional gender roles didn’t allow for huge egos to interfere and create huge conflicts.
Remember, men and women are naturally inclined to follow the gender roles associated with their natural sex. Modern relationship games and rules have confused both men and women on the proper relationship etiquette. Men are confused because they don’t want to come across as “controlling,” or “possessive.” Women are confused because they don’t want to be labeled “high maintenance,” or “gold diggers.” In healthy relationships, a man should be protective and possessive of his woman. He shows this by providing for her and caring for her needs. Woman who demand a secure, stable man are not gold diggers, but seeking biological and financial resources for themselves and their offspring. These are things that humans were designed to want and need. All the confusion started when these natural gender associations were violated. Men and women don’t seek equality in relationships, they seek harmony and happiness.
Here are 8 ways your can get the inequality back into your life and create a happy, healthy, lifelong relationship. Since men are generally very simple creatures – I am offering the advice from a woman’s perspective and for women – but any man should be able to also learn from them.
- Be Feminine. This will allow your guy to be a man. Men are just as confused as you are about dating rules and proper etiquette. Don’t offer to pay on dates. Let him get the door, and so forth. Remember – men have a natural tendency to protect and provide. They have been confused by the feminist movement giving them mixed signals. If he asks you to pay or is not chivalrous in other ways, you need to decide at that point what his intentions are. Most men do want to take care of the woman they are truly interested in. I did a study on “players” (men who dated multiply women without any commitment with any one of them) in 2006 and discovered that they seldom paid for dinners or other date activities. A man who is not interested in anything long term will not want to make too much of an investment in you.
- Don’t win every argument. This is where the inequality starts to come in. Not every issue will serve the same importance to you both. Pick your battles wisely and if it really doesn’t mean all that much – let it go and let him win.
- Let him be the major breadwinner. Even if you work outside the home, make sure he is contributing more. Countless studies have shown that men who are the head of the household report happier marriages. This also helps you feel less resentment when you find yourself doing housework and childcare after a day at the office.
- Ask him for help in fixing things. Men love to feel needed and appreciative. Nothing can make him feel more appreciated then you asking him for some help in generally male dominated areas such as car trouble or plumbing issues. Even if you know how to take care of it yourself – suck it up and ask your man for help.
- Use your femininity to win arguments. When you guys are at it, let him vent and get it all out and listen quietly and intently. When he is quiet after getting it all out in the open – use a gentle, feminine voice to reason with him. Screaming and arguing back makes you seem too much of a equal to him and he will fight dirty like he would with a male counterpart. Using a feminine voice and tone will make him realize you are his woman, and on his team – making it easier for him to relate to you.
- Don’t ask him for help with housework. It’s the women that don’t nag or complain about their men doing enough around the house that get the most help. If you make it seem like a chore by repeatedly asking him to do something, of course he won’t want to help. How fun can it be if even you don’t want to do it? Simply continue doing things in a nonchalant manner and he will surely join in. You have now taken the “chore” out of simple activities.
- Don’t take him for granted when he does help out. Don’t assume it’s his job when he helps out with the laundry or dishes. Men are not wired to see housework as “their job.” Praise him and trust me he will do more.
- Let him drive. I mean this literally and figuratively. Even if it’s your idea, let the man take the lead. Men have bigger egos for a reason – keep it well fed by giving him opportunities to show off in front of you. When women try to suppress the male ego – they seem to end up creating more of it.
Follow these steps as a start and learn to use your natural instincts as your guide in relationships. Equality does not mean a man and a woman are exact replicas of each other. Be your partner’s other half – their counterpart. You are bringing something very valuable to the table – something they by nature do not have.
Good Luck to you.