One of the hardest things that people face is forgiving someone who has wronged them. Forgiving is the kindest thing that you can do for yourself. The person that hurt you may not deserve to be forgiven, for all of the pain and suffering that they purposefully inflicted on your life, but you deserve to be free from the pain that you are carrying around. This pain will only start to heal, once you have forgiven the one who hurt you.
You have to realize that the anger you feel toward the person who hurt you does not effect them at all. In fact, you are hurting only yourself by having this anger inside of you. The truth is, that the person who hurt you has most likely gone on with their life and has not given the pain they inflicted on you another thought.
Try making a list of the good things that have happened as a result of the pain you experienced. We spend so much time focusing on the negative parts of our painful experiences, try looking from a new angle and find some positives. Try to identify 5 positives that came from the experience.
Look for someone to help you. Many times we become overwhelmed when trying to forgive someone who has deeply hurt us. Look for people who love you and who you trust. Ask these people for help. Talk to them about your feelings.
Be compassionate with yourself. As you try to find your new path away from all the old hurt, you will make mistakes, forgive yourself. You should be patient and kind with yourself. When you have extreme emotional pain, it has a profound effect on your body. You have to give yourself time to heal, both physically and emotionally. Make sure you are eating right and getting enough sleep. Allow yourself to feel any emotions that may arise, and process them. Do not keep the pain bottled up inside.
Your anger with the person that hurt you has kept you tie to them. When you forgive you are able to walk away from the person who hurt you and from all of the pain that they put you through. When you free yourself from the person that hurt you, you will feel like you have been freed from heavy chains.
Stop telling everyone about how you were hurt. How many times have you told your friends how badly you were hurt? How often do you think about the pain? The more you remember the pain, the harder you make it on yourself and the longer it will take you to forgive, You shouldn’t bring the pain on your friends or family, you can make them depressed. Negativity is very depressing, both mentally and physically.
Write the story down from another persons perspective. Imagine if you were the person that hurt you. Use the word I when you are writing what the other person would say. I know that you do not know exactly what they were thinking when the event occurred, but use your imagination and pretend that you do. Just write down the story that comes to your head. Sit down with a friend, or even the person that you are trying to forgive and read the story to that person. It is important to do this verbally and not just have them read the story. This is not an easy task, but it is very powerful. Your willingness to try to understand the other persons perspective requires that you put forth an effort to forgive.
When the person who hurt you or the event comes to your mind, send blessings to the person. I don’t mean physical gifts, just simple thoughts, like I hope they have a great day. The effect is that it will neutralize the hate and not allow it to build inside of you. When you wish pain onto another person, it seems to come back onto you 100 times worse. The same is true when you wish good for someone.
Maintain perspective. While what was done to you, is hurtful to you and your immediate surroundings, the rest of the world will go on unaware of your pain. Validate their meaning in your life, you should never forget that others were not involved in the situation and do not deserve your anger to be taken out on them.
Go to the person and tell them, ” I forgive you for what you did to me.” Turn around, and walk away. You are now the bigger and stronger person. You hold the power to your happiness, not the person who hurt you.
how to forgive
can’t we just forgive and forget