First announced in 2008, Palm let the world know the beginnings of a smart phone that has the cell phone world waiting on pins and needles. The Palm Pre, or the ‘P-100’ as it was originally called, is to have a large number of features that will make the technological world drool. This phone is to be the heralded Second Coming of cell phones- the long prophesied I-Phone killer. It is supposed to have the touch flow sensitivity and technology that the I-Phone has. It’s supposed to be able to let you play music, and if someone calls, the music will lower itself, and the speaker phone option will turn on when you answer the phone. So far, this sounds like a pretty amazing phone.
However, for being touted as being the greatest thing since sliced bread, the Pre has had very little information released about it. Even the release date has been left a secret. One can only hope that this means the people at Palm are loading this phone with some truly amazing applications and features. Even though I have no clue what is planned for this phone, I have my own list of what the phone should have, if I was left in charge of the Palm Pre’s production:
Pre-calling breathalyser- Many people should agree that this would be one of the greatest ideas for a cell phone. Imagine the scenario: you spend a night of heavy drinking with your friends. After about five or six of your favorite alcoholic beverage, it becomes a great idea to either call your best friend and let them know how much you love them (even if it is one A.M. on a Wednesday) or your ex-girlfriend to see what they are up to, ball into the phone about the fact that they left you, and then spend 10 minutes yelling at them that they made the biggest mistake ever before going ahead and passing out. With the Palm Pre, I would include the feature that would prevent this from happening, and resolving the awkward day after conversations. The Pre-calling breathalyser would analyze the blood alcohol level coming off of your breath. If it determines that you have reached that point of extreme stupidity, you would be able to dial, but the call would not connect. The person who you intended to call would receive the following pre-recorded message: “The person at this number has attempted to call you but is too drunk to speak logically at this point in time. If you would like to help this person remember what they were going to talk to you about, please feel free to call them tomorrow.”
Wrong caller vocal caller ID- Ever get those calls from people who are dialing the wrong number, but don’t learn from their mistakes? The ones who call your phone asking for ‘Raven’ when your name is ‘Billy’, and no matter how many times you tell them they’ve called the wrong number, they still call? With the wrong caller vocal caller ID, this problem would be quickly resolved. After the person calls your number wrong the first time, you can mark their number, so when they call again, the caller will hear the following:”We’re sorry. You are calling the wrong number after being told that this number is not the number you want. You are an idiot. Now feel free to listen to an air horn.” And with that, an air horn would start sounding for 30 seconds. If the person is still listening, the message would finish with ‘Thank you for calling and have a nice day!’ All you would hear is the sound of a toilet flushing, followed by a scent of lavender which would be emitted by the phone.
GPS settings for different personalities: This would be the most sought after feature of the phone. No longer will the GPS just tell you how to get from point A to point B, you can set it for your own personality. If you are a middle aged, white, upper class suburban person, the GPS will take you from point A to point B, but also point out where all of the garage sales that you pass by, as well as the best places to go ‘antiquing’. More of a frat boy party person? No worries. The GPS will point out every house party and rave that you should attend, as well as giving directions to the after party, or to the closest hot spot for picking up a hooker after the party. The Personal GPS Tracker can be set for more personalities when the software updates come out later on this year.
These are only some of the great features that should be included with the Palm Pre. Will they actually be included is anyone’s guess. However, if someone from Palm is reading this and needs an idea for a feature to add on to the Pre before it launches, then by all means I will not judge you at all. Go ahead and add one of these features. I won’t tell.