Keeping control of your children has great advantages. You are more aware of what they are doing on a daily basis and you think that you know everything about them. This may come to a shock to parents who have too much control over their children’s lives, but there are things that you don’t know about them.
There is such a thing as having too much control in a child’s life. There is a fine line between just enough and way too much. Parents need to be aware of the dangers involved when being overly watchful of their children’s activities.
Here are some examples where too much control could lead to lack of control:
Children are going to find their personal style of doing things with or without you. If you constantly tell a child no when he/she is just trying to be his/herself is very dangerous behavior. It encourages the child to find something away from you that allows him/her to convey who and what he/she is.
For instance: A girl wants to wear a top that is slightly low cut but not so low that everything might fall out. You have a problem with any material that doesn’t cover her from head to toe. You tell her to change her clothes. She goes to her bedroom, changes her clothes and slips the top into her book bag. As soon as you are out of sight, she changes to the top that she likes.
You just lost control of your daughter. She tried to be herself with you and you shut her down even though there really was nothing wrong with what she wanted to wear. You tried to impose clothing on her that she doesn’t like and doesn’t want to be seen in. She fought back the only way she knew how. She lied to you.
Apron Strings That Strangle
It is important to know what your children are doing. It can help keep your child out of dangerous situations. Don’t be too over zealous in knowing every detail of her life. Give her some breathing room. Chances are, if you let go a little bit, she will come to you with all the information you need. What is even better is that it will be the truth that you are hearing, not just what she thinks you want to hear.
If you don’t allow your children a little bit of freedom, it encourages them to sneak to do those things that you would forbid them to do. Example: Your son was invited to a party but he fears that you won’t allow him to go. Nothing bad will be going on but you always think the worst. Your son tells you to go to he wants to go to the mall for a while. You let your son go thinking that the mall is safe. Your son goes to the party instead. Again, lying was encouraged. Even if there had been drinking or drugs at the party, your son doesn’t do those things. He still wants to hang out with his friends though. They are all going to the party and he will find a way to go.
The best way to prevent your son from lying to you is to listen to him. Set down rules for his attending any parties. If he is caught drinking or doing drugs, punishment will ensue. Have faith in the ethics that you have taught your child. He will follow those beliefs if you give him half a chance to do so. He will find himself lying to you if you “forbid” it though.
Preacher’s daughters sometimes get a bad rap. The reason that they do is because daughters of preachers usually have strict rules that they must follow. Children are curious creatures. They are learning about their world and need exploration. Just as the preacher’s daughter may have had to live at a higher standard than most, so are other children. Parents of children who are too controlling often find themselves faced with a wild child. The child will break loose one way or another. This can often have detrimental affects for the child.
Experimenting with drugs won’t be stopped simply because you said no. Teaching your children about right and wrong and practicing it yourself will be your best hope of keeping them away from dangerous activities. Your child should want to do what is right. They can only prove themselves if given the chance to explore a little bit. That doesn’t mean let your child do whatever he/she wants to. It means that you should consider allowing them some freedom to make those choices for themselves. If they make the wrong choices, you can then step in and take action.
You should not punish a child that has done nothing wrong. It will drive him/her away from you quickly. If you trust your child, he/she will trust you. Your child shouldn’t have to lie to you to do the simple things in life. You are only asking for trouble if you try to control every aspect of their lives.