Much as the controlling relationship, the manipulative relationship comes from weaknesses in maturity and development – theirs and even yours.
People that are manipulators often have had a rough life emotionally speaking and as a result, aren’t able to cope with life.
The first trait of a manipulator is that they are afraid of a close relationship. I’m not so sure they are afraid of the relationship as much as they don’t understand a close relationship, because they often have never have been in one.
A major and easy way to identify a manipulator is to note their inability to cope; they have very few or no coping techniques. They are easily frustrated and that is displayed in quick anger and even rage. Further they harp when they feel they have been let down; they don’t know how to forgive.
Manipulators will do whatever it takes to be liked; they need the ego food and they need for everyone to like them. This is true even if they have to put you down; they may embarrass you in front of others to build themselves up.
This next aspect of a manipulator’s personality I had for a very long time and that was/is the inability to trust. There is almost a “projection” aspect to the situation. Often manipulators, since they are only interested in themselves will violate trust. Therefore they think everyone does. There is an innate guilt inside of them all of the time.
Manipulators feel inadequate and that is one reason they feel the need to manipulate and control people.
Manipulators will bend the truth to say what they think you want to hear.
I would say at this point that there is a lot of similarity in controlling and manipulative relationships.
Manipulative people try to get you to open up and share about yourself; and, while it may seem they do they rarely are truly opening up.
Another note I would make here is that manipulative people tend to be smart but immature.
As time goes by a manipulative person will have less and less respect for authority; it is hard to respect authority when you don’t respect yourself and in some cases manipulative people may feel that they played by the rules and got hurt so why try.
Manipulative people have a tough time maturing in a real way. They usually try shortcuts that don’t provide real growth.
It is believed that manipulative behavior can be “overt” or in other words “obvious,” or “covert” which for lack of a better phrase might mean “covered” or “sneaky.”
In any event this behavior is designed for manipulative “self-protection” and at the same time provides attention for the manipulator.
If you find yourself in a manipulative relationship the odds are you are better off outside of it.