When you look up the word ‘slut’ in the dictionary it means “a dirty, slovenly woman who is immoral.” First and foremost, I am a liberal feminist so what I have to say might shock a lot of feminist thinkers, but I think the sexual revolution has created a new breed of women in the 21st century of sluts.
Yes, women have a lot to celebrate of our progression from not having the right to vote to now becoming successful politicians. But, in relation to sexuality and sexual liberalism, I think women have exploited themselves too far with the reasoning that “I want to be desirable for men, so I will do whatever it takes to get him.”
In this article, I will discuss the defeminization of women in relation to self-respect, respect amongst your peers leading to sexual exploitation within women.
Once upon a time, women were not able to voice their opinions or even work a job. They were confided to the home and child-bearing. Now in the 21st century we see the shift of women’s roles in relation to work, home, sexuality, and child bearing. In relation to sexuality, women have more say and more choices when it comes to picking the right birth control to deciding to have casual sex or to get married. Sexuality in the 21st century has been defeminized. Coming from a traditional point-of-view, I think that self-respect is so important when it relates to women’s liberalization and self-actualization. When you respect yourself, you gain that awareness of your sexuality and have the control to make healthy decisions when it relates to your sexual practices. We were taught at a young age, that good girls don’t do dirty things. But now we see that it’s actually good for good girls to go bad. Just take a look at “Girls Gone Wild.” Self-respect is related to self-discipline. If you are aware about your sexuality and know what you can and will do, then it is fine to bad. For example, if you are a woman and you enjoy casual sex and meeting men who you see yourself with a short time, you are in control of your decisions and, thus, you respect yourself.
On the other hand, women who are out of control with their sexual practices and have sex with men to gain acceptance and has a constant need to be desirable have a lack of self-confidence. This is defeminizing to women. We have long surpassed the evolution of men, so it’s digressive to need a man’s approval. But I see it everyday; women who are smart, beautiful, and independent, yet their lives revolve around a man’s approval. Liberal feminism is based on empowering women and their choices, so although women are liberated, we are also working backwards. The lack of respect for yourself is very evident in a lot of modern women. I speak to women everyday about this, and although self-confident women tell me that they know who they are and know what they want, a lot of times they don’t respect themselves. Remember self-respect is about self-discipline, it relates to making healthy decisions regarding sexuality.
Secondly, a lot of women do not have respect for other women. We live in an individualistic society, but respect amongst your peers is still very important. This is very disappointing for me to see women disrespecting other women for self-gain. Take for example women who sleep with married men and men who are in committed relationships. I understand that you can fall in love with a man who is unavailable to you, but making him as a conquest to get him to have sex with you as a ploy to try to take him away from his wife or girlfriend is just plain disgusting to me. It is not the way to gain respect amongst your peers.
Every man is someone’s son, boyfriend, or husband, and I think that a lot of women don’t have respect for other women. Girlfriends and wives, who tell me that they know that their partner cheated on them with a slut, tell me that these women don’t seem care that they are home wreckers. They tell me that these women seem to enjoy the challenge of trying to steal their men. It used to be that women were on the same side, but now it seems we’re on two different sides, the women who try to keep a man versus the women who steal men from other women. This is defeminizing because liberal feminism talks about the maintenance of women’s equality through their own actions and choices. This kind of behavior is not equalizing between women. Nowadays there is a battle between women on who is more desirable with men versus the women who are traditional and would like to have a monogamous relationship.
The third point is women are sexually exploiting themselves amongst women. In the beginning of the feminism movement, the argument was that men were sexually exploiting women. But now I think women are sexually exploiting, not only themselves, but towards other women. This is related to women’s natural feeling of competition with other women. All women want to be more attractive, prettier, and more desirable than the next woman. But now it has become a competitive market whereby women are stealing other women’s men with better sexual experience. Mistresses have told me that being the ‘other woman’ is exciting for them because they know that men want sex and, better, men love good sex. They feel the validation comes from knowing that the man is not having sex with his wife or he feels like he needs variety, and the mistresses know they can satisfy that need or please the man to a higher expectation. As a female psychologist and writer, I think to myself, but what about the women who are in these relationships? I ask the mistresses how do they feel about the lies, the rejection, and the ignorance that these women must feel. And their response is usually a selfish comment like, “Well, if she can’t please him at home, then he is more likely to look for sex somewhere else.” I think this is sexually exploiting within women. We are using sex as a weapon, not only towards getting men, but also using it against other women. It’s like who has the bigger gun and who can shoot it the farthest. The one who has the bigger gun is usually the one who can get away with the most harm. It’s very disappointing that to me that women have come such along way in the past 100 years, only to have digressed by becoming enemies with each other. I feel like more and more women are sexually exploiting themselves within other women by trying to be better in sex, by trying to lure attached men with sexual promiscuity, and by trying to manipulate other women along the way.
In traditional times, women were encouraged to be moral beings and use their intuition to make decisions. But I see now that women are worse than men, we are extremely selfish and we don’t care about respect amongst our peers or even respect for ourselves. Morally, I feel like women have digressed. We are more concerned about the external factors related to sexuality and men, rather then the internal factors that relate to healthy sexuality and self-actualization.
So do I think we are sluts? Yes, to some degree, I think we are. A change of moral code related to sexuality and respect amongst your peers is something that modern women face. If we don’t do something about it, then in the next 100 years, I wonder how much more defeminizing can we get?