Because of a rather uneventful couple of days aroung the house, I asked my sister if I could help her with anything. As expected, she displayed astonishment, politely declined, and suggested I go write something. I said I was suffering from writer’s block and her response was “Write about things you hate, that should keep you busy for a few months.”
#1 Reality TV
Sorry, but I can’t identify with the Real Housewives. I see the neighbors every now and then on garbage day while watching Melly line up the cans. and the reality is, we are not in negligees, dripping with diamonds or made up like a clown. Moo Moos and flannels are the rage, with sweats and a tee shirt coming in a solid third.
#2 Push Up Bras
Good God, if ever I was going to burn a bra, it would be the push up. Mark my words, a public health bulletin will eventually be issued warning of potentially harmful effects, including but not limited to excessive drooping after prolonged wear, the possibility of putting your own eye out while looking down, and severe emotional distress from being labeled “skyrocket”.
#3 Billy Mayes
You know him. He is the loudmouthed, obnoxious, infomercial spokesman who tries to browbeat consumers into buying a variety of products. I was so sick of him screaming at me about his miracle putty that I bought it. The kids use it for Play Dough. The Sham Wow Slap Chop guy is close, because he lied when he said “we can’t do this all day”. They do.
#4 Tell-All Talk Shows
The guests are so desperate for attention it’s scary. Who in their right mind would agree to discuss their most private, intimate, and just plain stupid lapses in judgment to millions of viewers? The ever-present shrink that evaluates the guest should turn his or her attention to the audience sucking up this garbage.
#5 Political Correctness
Face it. This oxymoron is dictated by those in power who wish those that aren’t would just shut up.
This term used to be descriptive of young children who couldn’t have their own way. Whining has become more contagious than the swine flu, and what’s worse is there doesn’t seem to be an antidote. The epicenter is now concentrated in Washington DC.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that weight gain is related directly by what you put in your mouth, and conversely, weight loss is related to what you don’t. Dieters support a billion dollar industry because they prefer to believe they have some sort of imbalance that a specific diet can cure, rather than an addiction to Flakey Puffs.
#8 Monday Holidays
I think the Monday Holiday was conceived in response to population control. People celebrating the long holiday weekend = more drivers = more accidents = less people.
I don’t think George or Abe like sharing, either.
#9 Coming Out Of the Closet
I have never felt the need to advertise my “straightness” and I have never graced a magazine cover proclaiming it. I applaud the millions of gays and lesbians who live their lives respectfully, productively, and admirably. I would say to those millions that the gay fanatics are more your problem than mine. They are polarizing, and they misrepresent and degrade your perseverance for acceptance and the equality you deserve.
#10 Telephone Automation
I called a company that used the voice prompt menu, got through six of eight prompts, sneezed, and got sent back to the main menu. It infuriates me that it is becoming impossible to speak to a human being. Obviously, if I am subjecting myself to the torture of automated responses, I have a rather important issue to discuss with a representative that can engage in live dialogue. To add insult to injury, when I reach my point of total exasperation and swear at the robotic skinney little tight lipped freak on the other end of the line, it can’t come up with anything better than GOODBYE!