‘Jon & Kate Plus 8’ stars Jon and Kate Gosselin have had a good run, and their open marriage contract rumors, alleged affairs, and questionable parenting skills have fed the media well while keeping the couple and their eight kids fed, as well. But it seems to be only a matter of time before the two announce their divorce (Jon did spend their anniversary with another woman, after all). And with their show’s ratings continuously slipping, there’s no better time to bare their souls and end their marriage on camera than now. But before America watches one of the last disastrous and depressing interviews Jon and Kate Gosselin will likely give as their divorce becomes public and their show falls off the chart, here’s a look at what else the announcement might be:
Announcement Number 1: Kate Gosselin is changing her signature hairdo ON CAMERA in an attempt to spice up her marriage. Be prepared for a ‘Jon & Kate Plus 8’ plus ‘Groomer Has It’ crossover special!
Announcement Number 2: Kate Gosselin is pregnant again and doesn’t know it, prompting a ‘I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant’ crossover episode! Thus Jon & Kate are not going to get divorced, but work through their relationship problems with the help of Dr. Drew, which equals ‘Jon & Kate Plus Nine: Loveline’.
Announcement Number 3: Jon and Kate Gosselin are getting a divorce, but they’re getting fabulous makeovers on ‘What Not to Wear’ to go along with it! Be prepared for Kate to hate her new hair (along with everything and everyone else around her).
Announcement Number 4: Jon and Kate Gosselin do have an open marriage, and they’re going to continue to let the cameras roll as they both date other people in front of their 8 kids. (‘Maury’ crossover?)
Announcement Number 5: Kate and her 8 are heading on a vacay to Miami and getting inked with 8’s while daddy stays at home to play. Child Protective Services, be damned! (‘Miami Ink’ crossover, in case you didn’t catch it.)
Announcement Number 6: Jon and Kate are, indeed, going to get a divorce and star on the show ‘Jon & Kate Plus Date’, where they date other people then watch and critique each other on camera. (Pure ratings gold, this one is, just for Kate’s comments.)
Announcement Number 7: Kate Gosselin is going to visit the Octomom and school her on how to be a great mom (rule number 1: don’t give your child water when they are thirsty, but be sure to take a big swig of it in front of them). It’s a match made in reality heaven.
Announcement Number 8: the Gosselins are going to wife swap with the stars of ‘Raising Sextuplets’.
Announcement Number 9: The Gosselins are getting a divorce; Kate Gosselin will be attending ‘Charm School’ in an attempt to become a better person; and her ex-husband will be starring on ‘Jon of Love’ with 12 ex-strippers. Meanwhile, their eight kids will be searching for ghosts on ‘The Othersiders’ or practicing their pageant poses on ‘Toddlers & Tiaras’, and their dogs will be featured on ‘Groomer Has It’.
Announcement Number 10: The divorce is on; the show is over; and the Gosselins are finally giving up the spotlight. (This should be the announcement, anyway; but I don’t know if Kate could say goodbye to the cameras.)
If only there was more room at the ‘Table for 12’, because, all joking aside, I do feel sorry for the Gosselin kids. So whatever crazy or expected announcement Jon & Kate make on Monday, let’s hope it works out well for them.