The radio airwaves are filled with songs about cheating. But when it really comes down to it, how do you really know your significant other is cheating? How do you go down the road of believing the worst about someone you love? Just like any road…follow the signs.
Just to be clear, I have been cheated on. I have been cheated on by boyfriends in my past and by my husband. In each instance, the signs were all the same.
STOP: Many things stop on the road to infidelity.
- Sex either stops or slows to almost nothing. Or excuses are made not to have sex.
- Fighting stops. What is the point in fighting if the attentions are elsewhere?
- Family activities, attentiveness to you and /or the kids, and helping around the house stop.
- Stop answering their cell phone in front of you. My ex actually did this all the time. When he was with me, if the other girl called, he would not answer the phone. He told me she was “stalking” him and wouldn’t leave him alone. Funny thing is, he did the same with her.
DETOUR: What if things don’t stop? What if habits just take a big detour? If your significant other suddenly starts doing things out of the norm, take note.
- If the phone rings and they answer it and immediately go into another room.
- If they go to run an errand and it takes hours longer than it should.
- Takes extra care in avoiding you.
- Starts having a change of clothes in the car all of the time.
- Starts breaking with their normal routine.
- Keeps secrets about where they have been, who they have been with or where they are going.
- Starts lying to you about the same.
- Money comes up missing, odd charges appear on the credit card statement. Cheating costs money.
- (this is a big one) Showers immediately when they come home. My ex did this one too. He would come home late for lunch and immediately go take a shower. No kiss hello or anything.
- Makes other plans instead of coming home. i.e. “I’m just gonna stay at Joe’s place tonight”.
- They start paying MORE attention to you and doing special things (this is a clever way of throwing you off track)
DO NOT ENTER: All of a sudden, you are forbidden to go where you have been in the past.
- You are not allowed to answer their phone. Even if you are married. Phone messages or call logs are always deleted.
- You are not allowed to check the mail or email, emails are all deleted where they have been left to pile up in the past, OR passwords have been changed.
- If working in a social environment, you are not allowed to visit at work, whereas you were before. (i.e. they work in a bar or restaurant)
- You are no longer allowed to go into their vehicle or home office.
- When you enter a room, the computer is immediately shut or turned off or if they are on the phone, conversation ends quickly.
MEN (or WOMEN) AT WORK: More hours are put into work or their appearance
- If all of the sudden they are working late hours or work is suddenly taking them out of town all the time.
- If all of the sudden more attention is paid to their appearance, they start dressing nicer, or starts going to the gym.(when they never have before)
- They want to stay up late after you go to bed and “play on the Internet” or play a game on the computer. or if they are spending excessive hours on the computer after hours. (this is a BIG red flag)
- They are putting in more hours at work and their paycheck does not reflect the time spent or you are no longer allowed to see their paycheck.
DANGER: When danger and pushing the limits become exciting
- If out of nowhere, they want more danger or thrills. This could be anything from racing cars to sky diving when no interest has been shown in the past.
- They start asking you to do extremely kinky things in the bedroom, looking for more thrills, things that you have never done or discussed in the past.
- They seem bored with you, their job, the kids, and life in general.
DO NOT PASS/CROSS: When things all of a sudden become your fault.
- They get defensive at any mention of infidelity or cheating.
- They accuse you of cheating
- They start finding faults with you constantly
- Money becomes a big issue. Remember, cheating costs money.
Other signs to be aware of include, finding condoms or other birth control, especially if he has a a vasectomy or she has had her tubes tied, perfume or cologne on clothing (that is not yours), and of course unexplained phone numbers, phone calls, absences, or hang ups occur on a regular basis.
Disclaimer: If the signs are there, please beware. Remember though, Just because your significant other shows some of these signs it does not mean that they are in fact cheating. do not accuse if you do not know for sure.