When Is A Man Ready To Settle Down
This is my thought:
I speak on this from personal experience and from being the people voyeur that I am. As a young red blooded male in my 20s, and working in the club environment, I have been a male slut. Having a gift of gab, keeping myself fashionably together with a nice ride it was crazy to want to be married and settled into a monogamous relationship.
Admittedly I had children but all by one woman and I was and have been a father to them. The mother was also young and into her own thing and didn’t bother me about having a relationship other than the friendship we have shared for over 40 years now. I contributed to the children, and the mother and I even got together from time to time, but she was smart enough, and knew me well enough, to know that I was not ready to settle down.
I was 30 something when I made the choice to pull my family together and make a home. She was ready also and we did the thing. Married, bought a home, and went about the business of raising our children until all three were grown. Even though our marriage did end, for a reason not to be revealed here, but it was not infidelity and we remain family and the best of long distance friends even today.
I say all of that to say this. A woman should not expect anything out of a young stud. If the dude has charm, game and something going for him he is in demand. To think that he can “Keep only to you” is only wishful thinking. It is a fact that in America women outnumber men and this is especially true in the Black community.
It’s a vivid snapshot of a very troubling reality in black America.” Tilove noted that nationwide adult black women outnumber black men by 2 million. With nearly another million black men in prison or the military, the reality in most black communities across the country is an even greater imbalance-a gap of 2.8 million, or 26 percent, according to Census Bureau figures for 2002. The comparable disparity for whites was 8 percent.
In some cities the gap is even higher. There are more than 30 percent more black women than men in Baltimore, New Orleans, Chicago and Cleveland. In New York City the number is 36 percent and in Philadelphia, 37 percent. As the black population ages, the gap widens.
With that being said, men have the upper hand in relationships, in that they are in demand. I personally don’t believe a man is ready for the day to day work it takes to maintain a mutual satisfying relationship until he is in his 30s. With a strong spiritual background perhaps the odds are better but then we have also heard of and witnessed the “Pimps In The Pulpit”.
I have had women get upset with me for saying it, my wife included, but I really do believe its a DNA thing. I believe we are wired for the hunt, and until we are mature enough to not want to cause the woman we love that pain, we will accept some strange. My first marriage did not end because of infidelity but I admit it did happen.
First off it happened because I did not think I would get caught, because I never went for any kind of relationship, I just hit it and quit it. But even in that relationship as I aged, I became less selfish and thought about her feelings if God forbid I did get busted, so I made myself stop. But still it was not easy for me when some gorgeous, well built female all but threw herself at me. But I will tell you, I was actually proud of myself for letting it pass.
Today I couldn’t be paid to cheat on my wife. Not to blow my own horn but a Brother still get the look every now and then. But the difference is, I would never, ever risk what I have for a piece of ass. And that is not even taking into account how devastating it would be for me to hurt this wonderful woman like that. Even thinking of the hurt and disappointment in her eyes, lets me know, there ain’t no way no how!
What I’m saying is this is not only because of the love I have for my wife because I loved my first wife. The difference is maturity which leads to selflessness instead of selfishness. Come on fellows admit it, how selfish were you, before maturity set in?
The thing I see with females is the fact from an early age they begin to gear up for marriage. I see it in how little girls are so loving toward their dolls and show their nurturing side by dressing and treating the dolls as if they are their children. Little girls even have mock weddings with their girlfriends anticipating the day they walk down the aisle. I have not witnessed boys doing this unless prompted by a little girl.
I have heard women speak of how this or that guy is afraid of commitment yet they pursue them in hopes of being the one they commit to. Bad logic if you ask me. The man may give in to pressure because he enjoys this woman’s company and perhaps the benefits she provides. If the male does not seek nor want a committed relationship, pressuring him does not change that mindset, it only serves to make him give in to satisfy the woman’s desires and get her off his back. That does not relate to him being ready to settle down.
His eyes still wander, his hormones still grave variety, and he is not ready to commit to one woman for life. It is my contention that it takes a level of maturity to reach this point in a man’s life. It is not all about the age factor but I believe it does play a part. A man must be at a stage in his life where the urge to hunt is diminished and his love for his woman determines that he thinks past his carnal urges and considers the pain his infidelity will cause the one he loves.
And what I believe is one of the main lessons a mother or father should teach their young girls is the fact that the average young man does not equate sex with love. One of the general tools of seduction a young male will use is the line “If you love me you will show me”. Of course the showing means that she will give him her body. It is such a strong technique that no matter the moral training a girl will go against her training so as to hold on to the one she “loves”.
A lot of times the young male has absolutely no idea of what love is. His main goal is not to share an enriching experience with the one he loves, it is to get some, and that is the end all. Granted women are beginning to catch up but for the most part women still do not separate the body from the heart and this leaves them broken hearted after giving themselves to their one and only while he spreads himself wherever he can find a willing participant. There is a distinctive difference in the thinking of the genders and only age and maturity brings us together in a marriage of mind and body.